Only pass comment on what is good

Some people are over zealously in making observations and

passing comments. They do not seem to ever stop praising or

being complimentary. However, as the old saying goes, “When

something transgresses the limits, it becomes its opposite”, or

“whoever hurries for something before its due time, is often

punished by being deprived thereof.”

Do praise things that are beautiful and charming − things

over which a person feels happy when they are noticed, where

he expects admiration and is moved upon hearing words of

praise. As for things that people usually feel embarrassed about,

or feel mortified upon noticing, then close your eyes to those.

For example: you enter your friend’s house and notice that

the chairs are very old. Be careful that you do not become an irritating

person who cannot cease to offer his unwanted advice.

Be careful and do not let your tongue slip by saying: “Why

don’t you buy new chairs? Half of the chandelier is not functional.

Why don’t you buy a new one? The paint on your wall is

peeling! Why don’t you paint the wall?”

Dear brother, he did not ask you for your advice. You are

not a professional decorator whose advice should be sought.

Remain silent. Perhaps he is not able to change the decoration.

Perhaps he is financially restricted, and so on. None is more

cumbersome than a man who embarrasses people by noticing

things that humiliate him, and then rouses the topic and begins

to pass comments.

Similarly, if his garments were to be old, or his car air-conditioner

was not working, then either speak good, or remain

silent.

They say that a man once visited his friend. His friend, being

the host, gave him bread to eat with oil. The guest then said, “If

only there was thyme with the bread!” The host then went to

his family and asked for some thyme, but found out that they had

none. He then went out to buy some, but he did not have enough

money. The shopkeeper refused to sell it to him on credit. Thus,

he came back home, took his utensil with which he made ablution

and gave it to the shopkeeper as a deposit, so that in case he

was not able to pay for the thyme, the shopkeeper could always

sell the utensil to recover his money. He then took the thyme

and returned to the guest and gave it to him.

When the guest finished eating, he said, “Praise be to Allah

who fed us, quenched our thirst and made us content with what

He has given us.”

The host, upon hearing this, sighed in pain and said, “If Allah

really had made you content with what He has given you, then

my ablution utensil would not have been given as a security!”

Similarly, if you were to visit a patient, do not say to him, “Oh!

Your face has gone yellow! Your eyes seem to be wandering!

Your skin is dry!” How strange! Are you his doctor? Speak good,

or remain silent.

It is said that a man once visited a patient and sat next to

him for a while. He then asked him as to what was ailing him.

The patient told him what was wrong, and that his illness was

serious. The visitor, upon hearing this, screamed and said: “Oh

no! So-and-so, a friend of mine had the same illness and he died

because of it! My brother’s friend also caught this disease, and

he remained bedridden until he died! My brother-in-law’s neighbor

also caught this disease and died.” All the while, the patient

listening to this was about to explode!

Then, when the visitor finished what he had to say and decided

to leave, he turned to the patient and said, “By the way, do

you advise me with anything?” The patient said, “Yes! When you

finally leave, do not bother ever coming back to me!” If you visit

a patient, then do not mention death to him.

It is also said that once an old woman’s friend, who was another

old woman, fell ill. The old woman would ask her sons, one

by one, to take her to her ill friend for a visit, but they would

continue to make excuses, until one of the sons finally agreed

to take her. So he took her in his car. When they arrived at the

house, the old woman got out of the car whilst the son waited.

The old woman then visited her friend to find that she was completely

beset by her illness. She greeted her and prayed for her.

When she began to leave, she walked for a while in the lobby

with her friend’s weeping daughters, and said, innocently, “Unfortunately,

I cannot come to you whenever I want. Your mother is

severely ill, and it seems that she will die. So let me say to you

now, ‘May Allah grant you all befitting patience over her death!’”

Hence, be careful, O intelligent person! Only pass comment

on things that are a source of joy, and not depressing.

A problem…

If you were ever forced to comment on something bad, such

as dirt on a garment, or a bad odor, then do so tactfully. Be

clever and kind while doing so.