Be observant and complimentary

Many of the things we do in life are actually done for others

and not for ourselves. When you are invited to a wedding party,

you wear your best clothes. You do this in order to attract people’s

attention and to amaze them with your appearance, and not

for your own sake.

You become happy when you notice that they admire your

beautiful appearance, or your glamorous clothes. When you decorate

your lounge, and put effort into adorning and taking care

of it, you do it mostly for others’ sight and not your own. This

is evident by the fact that you look after your lounge more than

your own room, or your children’s room.

When you call your friends to dinner, don’t you see that your

wife, and perhaps, even you, make sure that the food is well arranged

and is more varied than usual?

Undoubtedly, you do! The more important your friends are

to you, the greater your concern about the food. How often

are we overwhelmed with happiness when someone praises our

clothes or the décor of our house, or the taste of our cooking?

The Prophet  has said, “Let a man come to the people how he

likes the people to come to him,” meaning, treat the people how

you like to be treated by them. How?

If you see that your friend is wearing a beautiful garment,

notice it and compliment. Let him hear the resounding

words in praise, “Praise be to Allah! How beautiful it is! It is as

if today is your wedding day!” Similarly, if someone were to visit

you one day and you smell nice perfume emanating from his

clothes, you should praise him and indulge him, for he did not

apply the perfume except for you. He would definitely appreciate

your oft repeated encouraging phrases, praising him such as,

“What a beautiful fragrance!”

If a person calls you over for dinner, praise his food, for you

know that his mother, wife, or sister stood for hours in the

kitchen just for you, or for the guests in general, and you happen

to be one of them. Or at least, he may have made an effort to

bring the food from a restaurant and confectioners. So let him

hear the words that would make him realise that you appreciate

his efforts, and that his labours did not go in vain.

If you were to enter the house of one of your friends and

you were to see nice furniture, make sure to make a positive

remark about the furniture and the great choice your friend possesses.

(However, avoid over-praising, lest it begins to sound as if

you are mocking him).

If you go to a general gathering and hear someone speaking

to those present eloquently, thereby livening the atmosphere

and delighting the audience, then praise him. Hold his hand when

you get up. Say to him, “Masha Allah, what an amazing orator!

Nothing illuminated the gathering except your presence!” The

next time you find yourself in the company of such a person,

try this out with him and he is almost guaranteed to develop a

liking for you.

If you witness a son being good to his father - for instance,

he kisses his hand, or brings his shoes closer to him for his ease

- praise the son and be complimentary. If you meet one wearing

a new garment, praise him and be radiant. If you visit your

sister and notice how she takes care of her children, praise her

joyfully. If you see how your friend takes care of his children or

how splendidly he welcomes his guests, be daring, compliment

and praise him. Express the admiration you feel in your chest for

his actions. If you sit in someone’s car or rent a taxi and notice

the cleanliness of the car, or the expertise of the driver, then be

complimentary and praise him.

You may say, “These are all things that people normally do.”

True, but still, praising them over such things doesn’t fail to affect

them.

You see a groom a week after his wedding or one who has acquired

a degree in higher education or just moved to a new house. No

doubt he is expecting you to congratulate and compliment him.

Be as people expect you to be – do not disappoint him.

We live in a society

where such skills are not valued, so pay attention to this! Let

not your enthusiasm die out due to a group of cumbersome and

antagonistic people who, no matter how much you admire their

good qualities, or praise them with soft and beautiful words,

ould not be affected. They respond to your politeness with dull

and boring words, with no taste, colour or smell!

An acknowledgement…

No matter how successful one becomes, he would irrevocably

remain human, and dance to words of praise.