Taking one’s psychological condition into consideration

People’s moods and circumstances fluctuate between sadness

and happiness, health and illness, affluence and poverty, and

stability and instability. Subsequently, their reaction to the way

they are dealt with also changes depending on their psychological

state at the time. A person may appreciate a joke when he

is stable and relaxed, but not when he is upset. It would thus be

very inappropriate to make a joke when visiting someone who

was bereaved. But the same joke would be acceptable if said

whilst out on a picnic. This is something all people understand

and needs no further explanation. However, what does need to

be clarified further is that one must take into consideration a

person’s psychological state, emotions and personality when

speaking to or dealing with him.

Imagine a woman who has just been divorced by her husband

and whose mother and father have passed away. She collects her

belongings and prepares to move in with her brother and his

wife. In the middle of her preparation, her neighbour comes to

visit her. As the neighbour thinks of something to discuss, the divorced

woman says, “I saw you yesterday outside your house.”

The neighbour says, “Yes, my husband insisted on taking me

out for dinner, so I went. Afterwards, we went to a shop where

he bought me a skirt to wear at my sister’s wedding. We then

went to the jewellers where he bought me a necklace to wear

along with the skirt at the wedding. When we returned home, he

noticed that the kids were bored, so he promised to take them

out on the weekend.”

As the poor divorced woman listens to all this, she reflects

upon what her predicament will be when she leaves for her

brother’s house. The question is, is it appropriate to discuss

something of this nature when the woman has just come out

of a failed marriage? Would this woman’s love for her neighbour

increase due to this? Would she ever wish to sit with her ever

again? I think we can all agree that the answer is a resounding

‘No!’

Rather, her heart would be filled with jealousy and envy. What

then is the solution? Should her neighbour have lied to her? Of

course not, but she could have spoken tactfully and in brief. She

could have said, “We had some things to do, so we went out”,

and then she should have changed the topic and tried to ease the

pain of her neighbour.

Suppose two friends sit their secondary school examinations

and one of them passes with flying colours whilst the other

one fails in some subjects and therefore does not achieve the

grades required for university. Would it be appropriate for the

one who has passed to visit his friend and discuss the university

that has accepted him and the various opportunities that have

opened up? No doubt we would all say no. What then should he

do? He should mention general matters that might lighten his

worry. He could complain about the large number of applicants

to universities, how many people are not accepted, and all the

other things that might make his friend feel better. Thereafter, his

friend would probably not mind sitting with him and remaining

his companion.

The same can be said about two young men who meet each

other, one of whom has a generous father who is always showering

him with wealth, while the other has a miserly father who

hardly meets his needs. It would not be appropriate for the son

of the generous father to speak about the generosity of his father

and how he loves to spend on him, because this would distress

his friend and cause him to remember his bad fortune with

his father. Subsequently, he would not like to be in his company

as he would feel that he is insensitive.